D-I-Whhhhyyy!?!

We're trying to do this wedding on the cheap. So far, we've been pretty successful. Until...

INVITATIONS.
(bumbumbum!!!)

Also know as: the bane of my existence.

I thought I'd be all clever and design something in Pages, get the half sheets of card stock (with envelopes!!) from Target, print at home and be done for $30 (plus postage, but whatever).

And it kind of worked. I do love our invitation design. The manfriend is a designer after all - I think we came up with something pretty and classy and just a touch whimsical.

But I might throw our printer out the window.

It had such issue with the card stock. It would not format correctly. We could not figure out how the card stock should lie in the tray for it to print properly. Finally, we were gently placing one sheet at a time in the printer and still had - maybe - a 30% success rate. Our next attempt was Kinko's: they won't print on anything smaller than a full sheet of paper AND they'll charge $1.49 PER CUT. Are you serious?? Yes, we could cut them ourselves - but c'mon. I'm not paying an extra $1.49 per sheet of paper for someone to cut it in half.

We asked a couple friends, no luck there... Finally we just reformatted the invites to fit two on a normal sheet of paper. The manfriend works part time at a university - where they have papercutters. Great. Problem solved.

Except.

I went to Joann's. I went to Target. I went to Staples. I went to Office Max. NO ONE has cream card stock. Let me save you many hours of running around town: go to a stationary store. Yes, it costs more, but you'll save money on gas. And frustration. And maybe even some tears.

At Office Max, I nearly printed the invitations. I tried to not care that the "cream" they had was "orange." I'm trying to not be That Bride. But I just couldn't do it. We're still using the envelopes from the invitation kits I bought at Target - the colors weren't even close.

And so... I went to the fancy paper store. I doubled the cost of our invitations. But we wound up with this beautiful, textured cream card stock. As paper goes, it really is quite beautiful. And the color matches perfectly.

The fancy paper printed beautifully in our cheap printer. Did the manfriend take them to work to cut? Did I take them back to Office Max so they could cut all of them for $2.00 (take that Kinko's!)? Well, no. The invitations weren't quite centered. So, I cut them. With a quilters ruler. And a rotary blade.

Because if we're going to do something ourselves, damn it - we will do it ourselves.

Carnage.

Crap I've Made from Pinterest: Vol. 4

I bought a bundt pan the other day.

Correction: I was killing time at Home Goods, browsing the baking section, because one can never have too many kitchen gadgets. I started investigating bundt pans, trying to decide if I wanted to spend the $9 on a new baking pan -- and promptly dropped it, making an ungodly racket. Obviously, I had to buy it now.

I've always loved the way a bundt cake looks. It's fancy and delicious looking and all you have to do is get it out of the pan. Sure you can frost it or drizzle a glaze on it or even put a potted plant in the hole, but just as they are, bundt cakes are pretty.

Also, I came across this on Pinterest the other day:

Fresh Strawberry Yogurt Cake

Image from www.aspicyperspective.com

I became obsessed with this cake.

Problem #1: I didn't have a bundt pan.
Solution: Buy a bundt pan after making a fool of myself at Home Goods. Check.

Problem #2: The manfriend doesn't like yogurt, even baked into things.
Solution: Tell him I left the yogurt out and allow him to marvel at the delicious moistness of flour. Check.

With those problems neatly cleared away, I was able to move forward. And I had an excellent reason to make this cake: WEDDING. We finally set a date. It's coming up fast. I needed semi-professional help. I went to my good friend Lauren, who is acting as our wedding-planner/person I report to so someone other than me knows things are getting done. And as a thank you, I brought her this cake.

BUNDT!

Holy crap. You guys. This cake is delicious. It's bursting with flavor. It tastes like spring. It is unbelievably moist, even a week later. And it's suuuuper easy to make.

Side note: Not to brag on my mad baking skillz, but it came out in one piece. Since this was my first bundt cake, I'm pretty proud of that fact. It was clearly all due to my skill and had nothing to do with the fact that it was a non-stick pan that I coated with non-stick spray...

I could barely focus on the important and helpful things Lauren was saying while I ate this cake.

If you have a bundt pan, make this cake. If you don't have a bundt pan, go get one. Just don't drop it.

"You could try Sears."

Life is weird, y'all.

Woke up yesterday to no less than nine missed calls from my lovely and talented boss. Apparently Ford Models called and needed a tailor for a photo shoot. Could I go? Um, yes. I believe I can make that happen.

Hopped in the shower, packed up my sewing machine, tried to look somewhat respectable, and headed out the door. An hour and two tolls later, I arrived at my destination.

I'm shown to my corner so I can set up and then go meet with the stylist. You guys - the pins were already in the clothes. All I had to do was put a seam in where the pins were. I didn't even have to iron it. My entire job was to run the clothes through my sewing machine. After I'd been there an hour, they were back on schedule. Because I'm awesome.

What was the photo shoot for, you ask?

Oh. Just the Kardashian Kollection. Because why not??

And just like that - I'm working in the fashion industry. Kinda.

Crap I've Made from Pinterest, Vol. 3

Holy crap. It's been a while... sorry, guys.

I've been working like a crazy person lately, but TODAY, APRIL 13TH is my first day completely and utterly off since Ican'trememberwhen. I'm doing laundry. I went to the grocery. I slept in. I'm having a Normal Person Saturday and it's amazeballs.

And so... I bring you... another installment of:

CRAP I'VE MADE FROM PINTEREST, VOL. 3

I've been making a lot* of crap from Pinterest and not blogging about it.

(*Ok. Not really all that much. But I've been busy, so everything in context, alright??)

So. To catch up:

The Failure

Paleo Chocolate Fudge

First, if you're not familiar with the paleo food craze: as I understand it, it's basically a strictish diet based on what cavemen ate. Meat? Grains? Yep. Pringles? Burgers? Definitely not. Also known as: How My Mother Has Been Eating for Twenty Years. But Martha's always been ahead of her time.

Anyway. I'm not really into the paleo movement, but this looked like guilt-free (or reduced guilt) chocolate and that's always a good thing.

Not mine. I couldn't bring myself to document my failure.

And only five ingredients! Coconut oil, cocoa powder, almond/peanut butter, honey, and vanilla. How hard could this be? Oh, just you wait...

In theory, you mix everything together, put it in muffin tins, and let it set up in the fridge. Voila! Fudge. Unless, like me, you don't have coconut oil on hand and you've maybe had a glass or two of wine and you think, "You know what? Canola oil will be just fine!" LIES. They never got firm and the bit I licked out of the bowl was... not good.

So maybe these are really tasty and easy, but make sure you have the right ingredients. Or just get regular fudge. Like a normal person.

The Successes

Apple Pie Cookies

Pie. In cookie form. Brilliant! Because pies can be difficult and time consuming. And who doesn't love miniature pies?

Again, super easy, minimal ingredients: pre-made refrigerated pie crust, one can of filling, caramel sauce, 1 egg (for the egg wash), and nutmeg/sugar/cinnamon for sprinkling on top. I briefly thought about making crust from scratch and then I got tired. And these turned out AMAZING. I recommend using parchment paper because they ooze everywhere while baking and it'll be easier clean up if you don't have to scrap the pan. And make sure you have plenty of clean counter space to work on because you will make a HUGE mess. A delicious, huge mess.

Adorbs.

The only downside is that this recipe only makes around 10 cookies. But then... maybe that's for the best...

Crunchy Cashew Thai Quinoa Sala with Ginger Peanut Dressing

or (as I was calling it):

Asian Inspired Cashew Quinoa Salad with Peanut Ginger Dressing

Sigh. There is so much awesome in this salad, there's no way to communicate that awesomeness without an incredibly clunky name. Oh well. It's delicious. Go eat it. Oh, and it's vegan and gluten-free. So there's that...

I was chopping as I went instead of being a good cook and prepping everything. So it took probably three times as long as it should have. But hot damn is this tasty. I could have eaten the dressing BY ITSELF. I have no idea what the calorie count is on this, but it has so much healthy crap in it, I don't know if it matters. And it's delicious.

My kitchen currently looks like a produce stand exploded in the middle of it. Totally worth it.

Beware the Ides of March

It's all downhill from here.

That's right. We are officially at the half way point of the Month From Hell. I haven't had a whole day off since February and I won't have a whole day off until... uh... April.

Note: when I say "day off," I mean, "day I can stay in PJs, lie on the couch all damn day, and not go anywhere - especially work." So, while I am going to Columbus and Louisville in the next three weeks, I'm not counting those as true days off as I will not be at home. But between now and March 28th, I have to go somewhere to work for at least two hours every freaking day.

But! Half way point! It's eerily similar to hitting the half way point of a half marathon: wait, I have do that again?? But I already ran 6 and 1/2 miles!

And at the end of the next two weeks, I have these smiling faces waiting for me:

Time to keep my head down and power through. Let's do this.

Stop the world, I want to get off.

Ok, fine, totally stole this from Etsy. So here's a link, if you want to buy it. 

There is so much shit going down right now. Yes, it could be worse. But I don't want to find out how.

My favorite thing right now is an app called Charity Miles. You can run, walk, or bike and for each mile you log, they donate to the charity of your choice (since they track this using GPS, you have to be outside, I'm pretty sure it won't work on a treadmill or stationary bike). They have everything from Stand Up to Cancer to the ASPCA to the Wounded Warrior Project to Feeding America. Basically, if there's a cause you care about, there will be a charity willing to accept your donation. And the app is free! You do have to post to Facebook for the sponsorship to take, but you can change the settings to private so you don't inundate your friends' Facebook feeds with your charitable contributions.

Helping people while helping yourself. All good things.

Weddings are dumb.

Seriously. Weddings are dumb. And apparently the groom is optional.

If you spend any time on virtually any wedding website, this will be your takeaway. Go look at The Knot. See that sidebar?

• Get engaged.
• Start Planning.
• Venue.
• Wedding Dress.
• Bridesmaids.
• Groomsmen.
• Guest list.
• Etc., etc.

Isn't something missing? Or someone??

It's disgusting and I am over weddings. Well, my own. I'm super excited for all my friends' weddings. They're going to be amazing, boozy celebrations of love and commitment and I just cannot wait. I'm excited to see them have their official kick off of "Forever and Ever" and I can't wait to celebrate with them. And to buy them lots and lots of crystal candlesticks and other pretty, yet slightly useless, household goods.

I just can't get over how small a role the groom is supposed to play in all of this (according to The Wedding Industry). It's supposed to be OUR day. Not MY day. OURS. We're starting our life together and I want it to be a reflection and celebration of who we are as a couple and family (because a wedding is the beginning of a new family - you don't have to have kids to be a family). I already get my own day, once a year, on October 25th. That's my day to celebrate all things me and dress up in whatever funky outfit I find at Target and bake cupcakes for all you lovely people. But that is not what our wedding day should be. Well, there can be cupcakes.

Also, this shit is expensive. We're not planning anything yet and don't want to plan anything for a while - mostly because we're both hella busy and planning a wedding on top of barely seeing each other is just stupid. But even in the non-planning planning stages, shit's expensive. Just getting my ring appraised and insured is around $200 (which, honestly, is not that expensive, considering...). Just to buy wedding bands is going to be $200-$300, depending on what we each want. Conveniently, Amazon sells a ring the manfriend likes quite a bit at a very reasonable price point. But still! Shit. Is. Expensive.

I love him and I want to spend my life with him and be his wife. But I don't want to have a hullabaloo. We are not hullabaloo people. Our jobs are literally to make other people look good - not to be the center of attention ourselves.

In light of that, here is my short list of things that are important to me to have at this wedding:

The manfriend, preferably with a freshly trimmed beard, but as it's his wedding too, he can go native if he really wants to.
Family and friends, obvs.
Pie.
Taco bar (seriously, guys, so not kidding about this one).
Open bar - to a point.
Photographer.
Comfortable shoes.
The beautiful blue cameo pin the manfriend's mother gave me during the first Christmas I spent with his family.
A really spectacular dress that will be comfortable all day.

Thankfully, I can check two things off that list already - the manfriend and the dress. That's right: we've been engaged less than a month and I already have my dress(es).

First, after a highly traumatizing and emotionally scarring visit to David's Bridal (I'm still surprised I didn't break out in hives), I was at T.J. Maxx with my parents and found this delightful lace mini-dress. It's perfect - for a rehearsal dinner or a bachelorette party or even a courthouse wedding. And it was $35.

Then I was going through sewing patterns at my parents' house and found the pattern my grandmother used for my mom's dress. One thing lead to another and...

It needs a little work and a zipper and less sleeves... but for a 35 year old dress, it's in pretty spectacular condition.

After a couple weeks of freaking the hell out and having a small existential crisis (is there such a thing as a small existential crisis??), I realized I'm not against marriage. I welcome that with open arms. And I'm not really against weddings. But I am overwhelmed with all the "shoulds" the Wedding Industry is pushing on us. All I really want is to sign papers to legally bind me to this man and then eat some pie. And that should be enough.