Weddings are dumb.

Seriously. Weddings are dumb. And apparently the groom is optional.

If you spend any time on virtually any wedding website, this will be your takeaway. Go look at The Knot. See that sidebar?

• Get engaged.
• Start Planning.
• Venue.
• Wedding Dress.
• Bridesmaids.
• Groomsmen.
• Guest list.
• Etc., etc.

Isn't something missing? Or someone??

It's disgusting and I am over weddings. Well, my own. I'm super excited for all my friends' weddings. They're going to be amazing, boozy celebrations of love and commitment and I just cannot wait. I'm excited to see them have their official kick off of "Forever and Ever" and I can't wait to celebrate with them. And to buy them lots and lots of crystal candlesticks and other pretty, yet slightly useless, household goods.

I just can't get over how small a role the groom is supposed to play in all of this (according to The Wedding Industry). It's supposed to be OUR day. Not MY day. OURS. We're starting our life together and I want it to be a reflection and celebration of who we are as a couple and family (because a wedding is the beginning of a new family - you don't have to have kids to be a family). I already get my own day, once a year, on October 25th. That's my day to celebrate all things me and dress up in whatever funky outfit I find at Target and bake cupcakes for all you lovely people. But that is not what our wedding day should be. Well, there can be cupcakes.

Also, this shit is expensive. We're not planning anything yet and don't want to plan anything for a while - mostly because we're both hella busy and planning a wedding on top of barely seeing each other is just stupid. But even in the non-planning planning stages, shit's expensive. Just getting my ring appraised and insured is around $200 (which, honestly, is not that expensive, considering...). Just to buy wedding bands is going to be $200-$300, depending on what we each want. Conveniently, Amazon sells a ring the manfriend likes quite a bit at a very reasonable price point. But still! Shit. Is. Expensive.

I love him and I want to spend my life with him and be his wife. But I don't want to have a hullabaloo. We are not hullabaloo people. Our jobs are literally to make other people look good - not to be the center of attention ourselves.

In light of that, here is my short list of things that are important to me to have at this wedding:

The manfriend, preferably with a freshly trimmed beard, but as it's his wedding too, he can go native if he really wants to.
Family and friends, obvs.
Pie.
Taco bar (seriously, guys, so not kidding about this one).
Open bar - to a point.
Photographer.
Comfortable shoes.
The beautiful blue cameo pin the manfriend's mother gave me during the first Christmas I spent with his family.
A really spectacular dress that will be comfortable all day.

Thankfully, I can check two things off that list already - the manfriend and the dress. That's right: we've been engaged less than a month and I already have my dress(es).

First, after a highly traumatizing and emotionally scarring visit to David's Bridal (I'm still surprised I didn't break out in hives), I was at T.J. Maxx with my parents and found this delightful lace mini-dress. It's perfect - for a rehearsal dinner or a bachelorette party or even a courthouse wedding. And it was $35.

Then I was going through sewing patterns at my parents' house and found the pattern my grandmother used for my mom's dress. One thing lead to another and...

It needs a little work and a zipper and less sleeves... but for a 35 year old dress, it's in pretty spectacular condition.

After a couple weeks of freaking the hell out and having a small existential crisis (is there such a thing as a small existential crisis??), I realized I'm not against marriage. I welcome that with open arms. And I'm not really against weddings. But I am overwhelmed with all the "shoulds" the Wedding Industry is pushing on us. All I really want is to sign papers to legally bind me to this man and then eat some pie. And that should be enough.